MKMMA Week 13 — Liberty
Something was mentioned last week on the Go90Grow workshop that I’m participating in. It was a comment that to really be a magnetic, successful networker, I have to radiate confidence and positiveness. The next day, on our MKE webinar, we were challenged to imagine totally giving up on our Definite Major Purpose and notice the heartache that caused. The heartache I experienced was that not achieving my DMP didn’t actually give me much sense of loss. I Knew something was amiss. I started questioning if I needed to up the ante in some way.
Then I noticed on Monday, that I was in a poor-me, depressive funk. I’ve always been prone to going into a dark mood about myself or my life. It suddenly hit me. THAT sort of dark thinking certainly blocks my radiating confidence or success.
Up until now, I really haven’t paid much attention to the Mental Diet, filtering out angry or judgmental reactions. For years I’ve trained myself not to react with harsh judgment or anger to people or situations around me. I’m pretty good at saying, or thinking, “Well isn’t that interesting.”
So as of the First Day of Winter, I’ve started my new Mental Diet. I’m watching for self-disrespect, judgment and negativity. I feel like I’ve turned an important and fascinating corner.
I’m a pianist and I played a lot of music last night at the Christmas Eve service at my church, carols with the congregation and backup for the choir that I direct. Especially while playing a solo piece, I realized that what I have always considered “nerves” is really a lack of trust and respect for my own accomplished musical ability. It’s really hard for me to focus on the music when I’m distracted by judging myself. Playing solo in that service was the first time I noticed that deep undercurrent of self-criticism and could say, in the moment, “Well, isn’t that interesting?!”
Today in my morning piano practice, I took a mental stance of respect, trust, and even wonder for all the faculties that go into my playing. I listened, felt, and honored the wonderful conscious and subconscious faculties that serve me. My facility and ease on the keyboard went up several notches, immediately.
On the one hand, applying this new self-vigilant Mental Diet feels like a threat to the foundation of my personality. On the other hand, I sense it is my next step towards a whole new level of accomplishment, confidence, and freedom in all areas of my life.
How interesting and profound that over the last week I also decided to replace the personal pivotal need of “Spiritual Growth” with “Liberty”. Until this very moment I assumed it meant the Liberty of financial abundance. As I write this, I’m realizing that liberation from that lifelong psychic pattern is the key to Liberty in many, many aspects of my life.
I’m ready for the adventure!!